Bob and Mary slumber party! 9-3-2022

We were going to be in Utah for a couple of weeks.  We decided since we aren't able to help on a regular basis, we would spend the two weeks staying at Dean's parents house to help for a solid 2 weeks.  I was very nervous about how that would go.  Caitlyn suggested that I use that time to ask lots of questions, find out fun stories, and get to know the younger Bob and Mary.  I bought a journal, and was ready to listen and write.   Well....we missed that window.  I found that if I asked Bob about his younger days, he would start on a story, and usually end with information from some book he had read, combining real life with something he read in a book.  Mary wasn't able to switch from the couple of "loops" she was stuck on.  So this adventure was going to be a little different than anticipated. 

I will try to share some of the experience we had while staying there.

My favorite part of the two weeks was watching Dean care for his parents.

Not just their physical needs, but watching him comfort his mom when she was scared one night was one of the most tender things I have ever seen.  Dean holding her tight and telling her things were ok.  All her kids were safe, and that she could go back to bed, and he would still be here when she woke up.  Then a few minutes later, she would come out again, visibly scared and upset, and again, he would reassure her that her loved ones were safe, and she could go back to bed.  This happened three times, and each time it was so sweet.  Seeing Mary trust Dean was also so sweet. 

Mary's feet had been hurting her.  Dean got her some new shoes that she could slip on.  Once again, watching his tenderness with his sweet mom was so touching.

I was also able to see tender moments between Bob and Mary.  Bob hardly spoke to Mary, nor could he hear her most of the time, but almost every time he walked past her, he would gently touch her.

I know that our being there, at times, was really confusing to Bob and Mary.  They were really kind to us, but I know how hard it is to have people in your space.  One of Dean's siblings ordered Panda Express for Bob and Mary, and enough for us.  I had been anxious about our decision to stay there, and the following was in my fortune cookie.

Hey, if my Panda fortune cookie said it, it must be so!

Because of my concerns about germs in their home, I was not able to eat any food that was prepared in Mary's kitchen.  Mary was constantly offering us mashed potatoes.  All day, every day she was preparing mashed potatoes, and offering them to us.  We would take them, say thanks, and then dispose of them while Mary wasn't watching.  Her whole life has been of service, and especially making food for people in her home.  So sweet, and she just wouldn't stop making those mashed potatoes!

Dean did eat every meal with his parents.  The first couple of days there, he did have some stomach issues, but that was a small price to pay for the mealtime he spent with his parents.

Dean only left to go to the grocery store, or other errands they needed done.

We were hoping to see more of his siblings while we were there, but one of the reasons we were staying there was to give his siblings a small break from the care they have been giving to Bob and Mary.  It was fun to see those that came by during that time.

Evenings were confusing for Mary.  Bob would go to bed sometime before 3 pm, and be anxious for Mary to join him.  Mary would come out several times during the evening, and ask if we were going to stay up all night....this was usually around 6 pm.  Sorry Mary, we still have a few hours before we are headed to bed.

Scott and I got Grandpa ready for Sunday.  

Saturday evenings were especially tough.  Bob and Mary anxiously wait for Sunday so they can go to church.  Bob sits in his front driveway, waiting for his neighbor to pick him up....even though Chris drives him to church each week.

One of the Sundays we were there, Bob went to sleep in the early afternoon, then around 6 got up, got dressed in his Sunday clothes, and was ready to go!  Dean had to talk him into getting back in bed, and convince him that it was still Saturday, even though he had been to sleep.  That happened a couple times that evening.  They did want Dean to call Scott, because Scott could make it be Sunday.

When we got home from a party, these guys were waiting to greet us!

As mentioned before, Dean hardly left during those 2 weeks.  One evening, we had to leave for a party.  A good friend of ours has breast cancer, and we were invited to a surprise party the evening before she was to go in for a double mastectomy.  We left and told Mary we would be back after she went to sleep.

When we got back, she was super upset.  She had forgotten that we had told her we were leaving.  We realized then a couple of things.  1-she got used to us being there, which was going to end, and we may have created more confusion than the good we did taking care of them.  2-We needed to write everything down!  If we would have just left a note on her counter, she could have read it and gone back to bed knowing things were going as planned.

It was a hard, sweet, trying, and great experience that we are glad we were able to have.

I'm pretty confident that Dean will be an amazing care giver for me if needed.  If he is the one that needs care...he may be in trouble!